Not trying to be in your business, but I read what I find to be a very important and insightful passage from Gabor Mate’s wonderful book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts:
“I can only find three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s,” says the self-work teacher Byrin Katie in her book, Loving What is…
“For me,” Katie writes, “the word God means reality. Anything that’s out of my control, your control and everyone else’s control—I call that God’s business.”
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business…I realized every time in my life that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in some else’s business.
[I can totally relate—and it causes dis-ease, and pain, and frustration]
If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine?…
Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn’t work.”
Or, to be more gentle, isn’t working towards a calmer, more grateful place, anyway.
I find this journey/cycle happens a great deal and consistently during my work/creative endeavors. It has to do with freedom and my perception of freedom, I think.
And so much energy willed to get something done, beautifully. I can’t imagine what this must be like for parents.
But I feel so much truth in what Kate and Gabor are saying. That said, I can’t quite see clearly as to how that precisely manifests in my life. The mind is very tricky, your best friend or your worst enemy—and everything in between. But I have the same feeling, and it’s a good meditation to remember.
And learning to surrender simply (with great difficulty!) by staying in my own business, being clear, loving, and letting the rest be God’s business, if you will, is always right for me.
Whenever I want something not in my business, I get not only lonely or hurt, but also frustrated or angry. And I think it’s their fault. Ha ha ha. I first saw this explained in the Bhagavad Gita, and I am sure it is explained in many places.
But in Chapter 2:47 of the Gita, I think, it says, paraphrasing, that ‘you are in control of your actions, but not the results of your actions.‘
That line really floored me. No wonder we have tantrums! But to think you can control the results of your actions is to, in a sense, usurp God, which may not be for the best, Richard Dawkins’ logic notwithstanding.
What I do know is frustration almost always arises whenever I do this. I want something beyond my control, and I start doing twists and groans to get it. I am no longer within myself. And it’s a tough lesson to learn. And it can be the simplest thing/desire/thought—but the mechanism is put in motion and the same contorted old frustration or sadness or feeling of futility comes knocking on my mind’s door. It’s like a self-induced voodoo doll.
Also, the results of these desires can manifest much later, in my experience—days, months, stemming from a lack of initial clarity, courage or humble confidence. It’s very subtle.
So not to be in your business, my dear friend, but meditation on this is so valuable to me.
The Bhagavad Gita also says of these misplaced desires, paraphrasing: ‘If these desires are met, greed increases. If they are not met, frustration arises, and frustration turns to anger.
Be on the compassionate lookout!
Smart book. Deep breath. Armed with yoga, stand and fight—and laugh, and breathe, and find gratitude for this inconceivable miracle that could be no other way.
Of course, that’s all your own business.
Lots of love,
Pete xoxo
